so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
