I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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