I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize