I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
