Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
