what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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