Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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