I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
