What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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