Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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