And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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