I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
