I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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