How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
