Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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