yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
