i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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