i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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