I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
