It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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