I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
