Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
