I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
