so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize