When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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