Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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