Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
