***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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