he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
