John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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