I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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