We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
