i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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