just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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