Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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