He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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