She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She's the barista slut.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize