Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
