she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
