Kareoke will never be a sober sport
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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