I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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