Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So squirting runs in the family.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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