Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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