Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
