but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
