The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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