I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
