happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
