sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
