Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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