the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
