Well douche your snatch and let's go!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
