it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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