just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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