Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will be naked everywhere
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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