I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
