it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize