Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
