Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
