So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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