wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
