I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
