if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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