How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
