Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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