i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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