I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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