Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I can't turn off my feet"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
