I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
