Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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