I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
