Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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