my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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