OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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