Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
