Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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