hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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