My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
