i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
