spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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