I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
