The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
