Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do herpes really smell.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
