so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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