I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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