i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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