they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
