Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
