If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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