id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize