we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
