Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
