anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Who put my cat in the fridge?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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