she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
