Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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