The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
