we're chasing vodka with high fives
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
