I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize