He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
