just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
