Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
