last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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