It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
