My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
