I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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