I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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