you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
